IN MY LAST YEARS OF LIFE (writing my will)

I, The Half-Eaten Mouth, resident in the City of bitten pavement and bruised limbs, County of the chipped tooth in my shoulder, State of (Love, Love, Love), being of sound mind, and not currently five feet underground, not acting under any influence rather than that of the soul and being content with every decision from this moment on, declare this document to be my Last Will or Testament. 

TO MY SISTER, LOU, JUDE AND MY DEAREST FRIENDS WHICH I DON’T HAVE A NAME FOR (you will eventually know)

BURIAL REQUESTS

let cats wander under my casket

don’t let those who think my decision cost me eternal life see me. Kick them out with the gentleness (or, violence) I once showed you 

bury me in the woods where two hills meet (consult my father)

let my sister hold carry the flowers and let her decide if the cross on my chest is necessary 

don't bury me five feet under the ground. make it three so I can feel when it rains 

hold my hand as long as you can (this is my last first time) 

light chocolate scented candles and serve olives (I will be rotting soon)

hold my mother's hand (this is one of her first times too) 

say a word!!! (don’t let the priest who didn't know me say a word) 

laugh

laugh 

laugh

snap your fingers so I can hear you 

don’t tell them you know what you know (this will forever be between us) 

hold my hand once more

caress my hair despite the cold and unusual feeling of porcelain rotting skin

caress my sister

whistle to me, sing if you must

forgive me

TO MY SISTER, I leave nothing but the lightest parts of my consciousness (and a few other things)

- the jewellery box mom gave me where when I turned eighteen 

- my pocket knife and a string of hair (my ribbons too)

special request: hand her my diaries when she turns sixteen

- music (speak to LOU for further information)

- love love love

TO LOU, I leave (unfortunately) nothing but the weight of the world for she knows she’s been carrying it since birth 

- cameras and films (develop them and don’t let my parents see)

- my rib for we were girls together

- years of gratitude and book collections i carried with me everywhere

special request: i hope you can hold my hand

TO JUDE, I have nothing to give you which could match your kindness and gentleness. If I could give you my mouth, I would. 

special request only: take my teeth and pills and keep them in your drawer. feel my bite on your shoulder from time to time, leave Berlin if you must. 

second request for LOU: don’t let JUDE see me 

Everything else I have shall be shared between all my friends. Don’t sell parts of me unless necessary. I left one cigarette in my memories box – share it if you think I ever left the room and I will come back. 

A Half-Eaten Mouth